Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Reclaiming Myself

I participated in this meme several months ago, but haven't since.  Today I thought I'd try again.

I have been fighting my weight since I had my first baby almost 22 years ago.  I'm tired of of fighting.  I'm turning 45 in December.  It's just not as easy to lose weight anymore!  Not to mention that my various meds, including Depo Provera, are making it even harder. I am eating well and exercising almost every day, but I'm just losing and gaining the same pound.  So frustrating.

But why should I fight so hard?  It doesn't make me happy.  I obsess, get upset, then feel bad about myself.  I squeeze myself into jeans that don't fit or flatter me anymore, then feel bloated and unattractive all day.  The truth is, while I'd love to lose 10 or 20 pounds, I don't think it's going to happen at this point.  

The more I think about the situation, the more I realize I'm becoming OK with not losing all the weight I'd like to lose.  When I wear jeans that fit, I look pretty good when I look in the mirror.  My husband still finds me attractive and tells me that all the time in words and actions.  My doctor says I'm in great health.  Then why keep torturing myself?

So today I'm claiming a truce with my body, for my sake and the sake of my girls.  I'm a little overweight (according to Wii Fit!) and damn it, there's nothing wrong with that.  My girls need a confident, happy mom to help them grow to be confident and happy young women themselves.

This truce does not mean I'm giving up on eating right and exercising. Far from it!  I enjoy making and eating healthy meals for my family, and the Wii Fit is fun.  What I am going to do is buy myself some new jeans that fit and flatter my figure (which is not bad at all for 45!), and stop obsessing about the size number on the tag.  Numbers are nothing but trouble!

I am also not going to obsess about every non-healthy thing I eat.  There is nothing wrong with treats on occasion in moderation.  I mean, I love to cook and bake and I'm really good at it - why deprive myself or make myself feel guilty for enjoying what I make for my family?

Keeping this attitude won't be easy, I know.  Once winter comes and my Season Affective Disorder kicks in, I'll have to work hard at not gaining more weight and getting down on myself.  But I know Chris will help me.

Not to say I won't be happy if I do lose weight!  I won't stop trying, but I won't obsess about it, either.  There's more to life and being happy than numbers on a scale or the number on your jeans.

Wish me luck!




Shell said...

I love your attitude and hope that you can keep it!

Angie @ Many Little Blessings said...

Good for you! :)

Michelle Pixie said...

I think we all need to stop being so hard on ourselves in this department. You inspire me! :)

Crystal said...

Good luck and good for you. I have a terrible self image- so bad that I don't let my husband touch me very much. And that hurts both of us. I wish we had more examples of loving ourselves for what and who we are. My sons already ask all the time if they look fat-and they are getting that from me :( I'm going to try and follow your lead.


jubilee said...

I think your determination is great. Just when you least expect it, I bet the weight will be gone anyway . . .