Wednesday, December 1, 2010

K and Me

Mama's Losin' It

Another one of MamaKat's weekly writing prompts inspired me today:

1.) Have you ever had a fight with a long time best friend and never made up? Do you think about her from time to time and think about contacting her? What would you say? What if it didn’t work out? What if it did?

Oh boy, do I have a story for that.  This is about a friend I'll just refer to as K.

K and I had been friends since freshman year of high school.  We weren't best friends during the high school years, but gradually grew closer in the years after graduation.  There was a group of us girls that hung out in high school (we went to an all-girls' Catholic school), but K was besties with M and my best friends were MB and J.  We had a lot of fun together, though, with slumber parties, dances and all the other stuff teen girls do.

All of us kept in touch after graduation, and most of us are still friends almost 30 years later.  K and I became best friends after my first marriage ended up divorce; since she was single and most of my other friends were married, we naturally gravitated towards each other.  She also became close to my parents and adored my little girl.

But then I met Chris and remarried.  Things seemed to change then.  K still wasn't married and didn't have any children.  The relationships she did have were disastrous, and one of them made me extremely uncomfortable.  There was one time we met her and her boyfriend at a baseball game, and she told him some personal stuff I had done in high school right in front of Chris and me.  I couldn't believe it.

I started feeling uncomfortable with K and sometimes betrayed by her.  By this time she had become very close to not only my parents, but my extended family as well.  She practically considered herself a member of my family, to the point of my feeling left out at times.  One year she had a Christmas party and invited everybody in my family - except me.  I found out later when she "accidentally" let it drop.  She at least had the decency to act embarrassed, as did my mom.  But I was hurt.

There are many more examples, but the final nail in the coffin of our relationship was five years ago.  Our mutual friend J, my best friend back in high school, was in town with her newly-adopted daughter.  I hadn't seen J in years - she lived in California and missed and still miss her terribly - and I didn't know she was coming to town.  No, I didn't find out until once again, K "accidentally" mentioned that she had seen J and her beautiful daughter and had a wonderful time together.  I still don't know why J didn't let me know herself, but K knew for a while this was coming and purposely excluded me from this rare opportunity. 

The night K let this information slip, we were at my parents' for dinner, so I couldn't really say or do anything about it without making everyone else uncomfortable.  I called her on it a few days later, and her comment was "Why shouldn't I let you know I had seen a friend?" No remorse.  No acknowledgement that maybe I could've been hurt by this. But I was absolutely devastated.  K actually broke my heart.  Not even my divorce had hurt as much.

So to answer the prompt, do I think about her?  Not really.  I did for a while; I obsessed over what I say to her about how badly she hurt me, but I never got the opportunity.  I had told her in an email never to call me again, and I certainly wasn't going to call her.  So that answers the second question in the prompt, would I contact her?  No.  She treated me shabbily for a long time, but since I didn't have very many friends at the time, I just took it.  Now I have many friends, and a best friend I love and trust very much.  

I imagine K and I will run into each other at some point; we share too many friends not to.  Plus she's still friends with my parents, which, I admit, bothers me a lot.  My mom knows how badly I was hurt; why stay friends with K after that?  But it's none of my business.  My mom can pick her own friends.

If I do run into K, I will be polite, but I will not be friendly.  She crossed a major line and unfortunately, I'm the type of person who can and will hold a grudge for a very long time.  I still can't forgive her for that last straw, and I doubt I ever will.


Shannon said...

I thought about this topic too but opted for the one about writing.
I think its always hard to lose a friend. You sound like you're in a good place about it though.

Emily said...

I did the same prompt! Breaking up with a friend can definitely be as hard as a divorce, maybe harder since you look to them for support in your time of need.

jackie said...

I chose this prompt too. But, I would've done the same thing as you. It also sounds like you are better off without her.

Saveatunity said...

Hi new friend from the blog hop !!! Have a great holiday season !!!